Autism Diagnosis / Aspergers Diagnosis - My Own Process Part 1

I hope this video is helpful to anyone who might need it, this is my own email personal experience of my autism diagnosis, with Love from Lea 💗💗💗 #autismdiagnosis #aspergersdiagnosis #autistic

Channel - Lea Wild Creative - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVDS...

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/lea_and_elfie/

Other Aspergers / Autism videos I made -

Signs of Autism / Aspergers - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m0aBo...

Autism Acceptance / Autism Awareness - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fVyNe... Autism / Aspergers Masking - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XNITc...

Autism Diagnosis / Aspergers Diagnosis - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SX6km... Autistic / Aspergers Shutdowns - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cs9jY...

Autism / Aspergers & Socialising - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOT7J...

Autism / Aspergers / ADHD - 5 things that help me - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D8uLf...

Aspergers / Autism & Self Esteem - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eMAWR... Autism Sensory Overload Difficulties - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P30uC...

Art Journal Flip Through - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHXei...

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Unknown Speaker 0:01

Hi, I'm Leah. And this is one of a series of videos I've been making about my Asperger's, autism, however you want to call it, and I make these videos, in case they're ever used to anyone, and maybe they'll be useful to you. Well, anyone of any age that might be experiencing these things, and maybe already been diagnosed, or newly diagnosed or seeking diagnosis. And just to know, you know that other things that other people might also experience and makes feel not alone. It could be useful to parents, or teachers trying to understand the kids, teenagers, young adults, and why they might do the things I do or experience things the way they experience things. So I try and get into more detail with things. So you know, getting underneath those things that might be commonly known as Asperger's traits, autism traits, and get into them more deeply, with more explanation, only from my own experience, so have more explanation of why things feel that way.

Unknown Speaker 1:23

So

Unknown Speaker 1:25

yeah. So I've got my notes here, because I don't remember things very well. So I've got my list of notes to help me to stay on track with my video. And yeah, so it might be useful to friends, partners of people with Asperger's autism. And so this video is one that came from a couple of questions that came in requesting this video, and I am going to break this video down into three parts. This one is about diagnosis or my experience of diagnosis. So yeah, if unless you absolutely hate this video, it'd be really useful if you're on YouTube, if he could pop a like on it. Because videos just don't really get visible on YouTube, unless there's interaction on them. Like it's harder for those videos to be seen by the people that need them. So yeah, it would be really helpful to get the video out to the people that need it. And if you're on Instagram, watching this and want to watch the whole video, I can't usually fit most of these videos onto IG TV. So I just put them onto YouTube. And then just put a clip of it onto Instagram to reach anybody that it might be useful to. So you can find me on youtube at Leo wild creative. And there's several videos on there now that I've made. One was on sensory overload. I've done one about socialization, self esteem. And I think there's some of this, but I can't remember what they are. So you'll find those on my YouTube anyway. So yeah, this video is about diagnosis, and I've broke it down into three parts. So this first one is all about my experience of my diagnosis what how that happened for me. I was asked also, how did you first know, how did I first know that I have Asperger's? How did that become clear to me, and then you know what the process was after that. So that's this video. And then I'm also going to do another video as soon as I can about masking. And that's probably important. Some people I do experience masking. I do do masking but not overly ID not a huge amount. It depends on the situation and what discomfort I feel. masking is like covering up autistic traits. Trying to blend in trying to be how you feel is supposed to be in trying, you know, like if things are uncomfortable. You know, like sensory overload for experience. Sometimes I try and mask my sensory overload. That's probably the thing that I'm asked the most. Like, if I'm really, really overloaded by sound sites, anything, then I'll try and keep going as much as I can and cover that up as much as I can. Because otherwise, yeah, I need to go home. Sometimes I do need to go home. But like Yeah, I just try try to deal with it as much as I can. In going out situations and stuff like that. So that's probably the thing that I experienced masking the most. So that that could be some Then that might be really important. If somebody really does do a lot of masking that might affect their diagnosis maybe. So, you know, if they're trying to hide those things and are used to hiding those things, then the person dealing with that diagnosis might not realize what they're going through or what they're feeling like. On the earth, a video that I'm going to make about diagnosis is the traits that I experience. Yeah, so like, the things that I do. aspect is autistic. So yeah, I use both times because people use both time so. And also about signs from when I was a kid or teenager and young adult, like looking back because I wasn't diagnosed as a child, and I wasn't diagnosed as a teenager. And it wasn't really known about them. Yeah, it wasn't really much of something that there was a lot of knowledge about. So yeah, it was probably really hard for my parents like to raise me and not know, what I was experiencing and what I was feeling like, without that help and support there for them to know what to do or what was going on. So yeah, I think it's probably a lot more diagnoseable. Now, always yet, it's definitely easier to get information about that, especially with the internet, because there's no internet then. So.

Unknown Speaker 6:27

Yeah,

Unknown Speaker 6:27

that's changed a lot, probably. So. Yeah, so I'll get into the video. So just getting my notes ready. So the first part, when when did I very first notice anything? Well, I didn't. But I think I just like, carried on and tried to just cope with whatever I was experiencing. Because as far as I was aware, I just thought that whatever I was experiencing, everybody else was experiencing. So if I found sound really overwhelming. I think like, it's really hard to think back that long. But like, I think what I probably felt was that everybody else is experiencing it the same as me also. And then they're all carrying on, and everything's, you know, normal for them. So I would try and also carry on and, you know, deal with it. Instead of asking for any help, I also have alexithymia, which is not really knowing how you feel. And I'm certainly very slow to process my feet, any feelings as well. So I probably didn't realize what I was feeling at the time. Now I find it a lot easier after processing a lot of things through diagnosis and from diagnosis after diagnosis, that's definitely made a big difference in my life, to be able to realize what I'm feeling in the moment, because I'm kind of used to like rk that feeling means that so I need to do this to help myself. So that's helped a lot. So yeah, when I was a child, and when I was younger, very young, like I yeah, I would just try and carry on with things and deal with whatever I could, however I could. So I wasn't aware that anyone else was feeling differently. Because no one ever spoke about that. So I just assumed everyone was feeling the same as me. So anyway, about I'm not very good with time and perception of time, but I tried to work out roughly the time. So I think probably maybe about 22 years ago. And some a friend of mine was working in, like a youth center for kids with Asperger's. And said to me, You like really a lot like, these people are like, a lot like these kids. So like, you've got a lot in common with the way that you do things and the way that you see things, but I didn't really understand. I didn't really get that, you know, or I didn't maybe I didn't process it properly. And I didn't really understand what my friend was saying to me. So I didn't do anything about that or go anywhere with that at all. And I didn't know what Asperger's was and I didn't understand and I didn't ask any questions about it either. So that I kind of went by the by but I do remember that being said to me, um, and then me and Luke have been together a long time Next, my husband and a by again, it might have been longer it might have been less but about I think about 12 years ago, Luke started working with a family where there is two sons with Asperger's and ADHD and one son with ADHD. And he'd only been working on there like a day or two days or something and he said like You have more, I can't remember how you put it in, I like, you have more. You're more like, I remember how I said it like, so it's something to the effect of like, you know that you your way of being is like, just like these lads, but like more so which I didn't really know how to take. And I didn't understand. Yeah, I didn't get it at all. Because I didn't understand still, I really didn't understand that everyone else in the world wasn't experiencing things the way that I do. I thought literally everybody felt the same and just insane thing. So I didn't say anything, either. And so yeah, I kind of was really confused for quite a while. And that took me a really long time to process. And before I would start asking the questions. And then I was, I can't remember why I was at work with him. But I went to work with him a couple of times, and spent some time with the lads. And I could really, really, really see the similarities between us. And yeah, it just that then it started to make sense to me. And started to Yeah, I started to be able to process that a bit better. And that really helped to spend time with them as well. So yeah, then that took me some more time to sort of process more of that.

Unknown Speaker 11:30

And then, yeah, that said, I asked Luke, what were some of the things because it was a long time ago. So I asked him, can you remember, like some of the things that you noticed about me that seemed different? So he said, My perception of time was a big one. And now I do realize I have a very different perception of time, then a lot of people and you know, like, autistic people experience, you know, things differently. So there might be similarities are a lot of similarities between certain traits and things that people experience. But then people can experience them slightly different, or very different. Some people can experience some traits and not others. So all the things that I'm talking about this is my experiences and what, what was affecting me. So I'd be I'd be really interested to know if there's anybody else who have Asperger's watching, like, do you have any issues with this perception of time? Yeah, that'd be interesting to know if you could put that in the comments. That'd be interesting. So yeah, I like what might seem like minutes to me, could actually be hours, literally hours in reality, but to me, it might seem like minutes. And sometimes the complete opposite, like something that might be minutes would seem like hours to make. So I'm really difficult perception of time. So you would notice that, like, if I if we were going out somewhere, I wouldn't have the awareness of what time to start getting ready to go out. And I'm not talking about like putting makeup on or stuff like that stain, often really do that anyway. But like, it would literally just be simple things like literally just getting the things that I need together that I'd need to take out with me or just just getting prepared things I'd need to do. And getting ready getting dressed and stuff. So I would usually he said start getting ready at a time that was like way beyond the time that I should have started getting ready. And I would like go in the shower and being there for an hour or nearly an hour. And if he said anything to me about that I would be really confused, because I thought that I'd been in there for literally just a few minutes. And this might sound really honored to have this issue of perception of time. But that's my experience of it. So

Unknown Speaker 14:00

yeah,

Unknown Speaker 14:01

I think I'm a bit better with that these days, I might not be free from kind of trying to use the clock more and I just don't have much internal sense of time. And then enough in other way, sometimes I have a really good sense of time with some things but not others. It's kind of strange, anyway, really explain it. But that was something that Luke noticed. And also like if something changed. I know a lot of people with Asperger's have issues with change. I've heard that before. So if something changed, I would have the first thing lodged in my mind of what was going to happen and I would find it really really hard and it might seem stubborn. So yeah, parents or kids have Asperger's or teachers like sometimes that stubborn. This might not be stubbornness. It might just be literally the brain has completely registered and process that this is what's going to happen and can't be any different, because that's processed. And it might take a long time before the new thing that's changed is then processed. So, yeah, that could come across as stubbornness. So is it, it would be really, really like stuck in something. Yeah, something gets stuck in my head, that would be like really lodged in there and take a while to shift if something changes, so also, Luke said that he noticed that I'd have really unusual interactions with people sometimes not all the time, but like, a lot of the time. And like things like so I asked him for as many as much information as I could, and as many examples as he could get, say, like, say, might be out somewhere and actually having a nice time. And then all of a sudden, I just like, we got to go. And like, no sort of warning of that. And I think probably what was happening is I might have probably reached sensory overload or some kind of overload and just needed to suddenly like, I can't take any more, I've got to go and sit quiet somewhere or go and be somewhere or go home. So or something might have changed or be going on that I might have been finding difficult to deal with. Because nowadays, I know what's going on, I can detect in myself what I'm experiencing and what I'm feeling so I can do more with it. But back then I didn't know. So I didn't know what was happening. So yeah, I would just suddenly said, I will just suddenly be like, right, we've got to go now and things like that. So also, I think that looking back that might have had a lot to do with my difficulty of understanding social cues. Yeah, so I do get really confused, like hellos goodbyes, how long to talk for how long to not talk for all kinds of things to do with social cues. So that doesn't come naturally to me or easily to me. So it probably has a lot to do with that as well. And language, he said that he noticed that I had some unusual ways of language and understanding language and processing language. So yeah, that that's the things that Nick said he noticed. And so from there, I did after some time to kind of try and process that I did get myself in appointment at the doctor's. And yeah, this was just with a normal doctors and the doctor that I saw. And I just wrote down a couple of things that I was feeling, I think I wrote down the things that Luke said, and gave that to her. And she said that she had a lot of experience with Asperger's. And she didn't say wherefrom, or, you know, that was in our family or y or stuff like that. We said she had a lot of experience of Asperger's. And she asked me lots of questions and went through a lot of things with me. And she said, You know that I would need to be referred because that's not it, diagnosis is not her job. So she would need to refer me to someone else. To go through the next stage of things, what she said that she's pretty sure that I would probably get a diagnosis of Asperger's. And she'd be surprised if I didn't. But anyhow, I actually, like I don't know, everything just felt really too much for me. And I left the surgery and I didn't go I didn't go I had an appointment made for me. And I didn't go. And I needed a lot of time to just, I don't know, just process that at all. And I think the reason why I found it so hard to accept

Unknown Speaker 18:58

was just you know, because I had already gone through childhood teams young adulthood, it was a big change, just to see how I experienced things that they were different were the people that felt confusing to me. And then kind of a lot of like life situations being put into that new way of looking at it just felt a lot to process. So it's not necessarily that I thought it was bad or anything like that. It was just like a difference. It just felt really, really different to kind of accept a diagnosis. So I didn't. I left that for a while. And I didn't go back. And then I got to a point where I felt like okay, I really do need to do something with this. So I found out that there were some online tests that I could take. So I thought I might as well look at that because I was still trying to learn They're like, No, no, I don't have Asperger's. So I did all of these tests, and there was like, really, really high score towards having autism Asperger's. So yeah, I kept doing them over and over again. And I did a lot of different tests. And this went on for quite a while. And I still was just like that, no, it must be wrong, it can't be right. And again, not because of for anything bad of it, just because like my mind had always always been set in one way of things being and to accept it as being something different. Yeah, it just felt difficult to process. So anyway, after some time, then I went to see a private specialist. So I've arrived, this time, I'm really going to get this sorted out. And, like, if it turns out that that's my diagnosis, that's my diagnosis, and I just accept it. So I'd kind of turned the corner with that anyway. So yeah, actually, on the day of my appointment, I, there was a major change in something. And that really, really kind of when something changes, like my, my brain goes into a state of process processing. So because I was in such a state of processing, I felt really switched off. Like, that's how Luke describes it. He says, like, you know, if I, if I'm really processing something, or sometimes if I've had a food that's triggered me, you know, because that does, like, trigger me a lot, as well, for dietary things and, or stress or being really tired and things like that, like things that, or something just triggers me with a change or something like that, then I'll go into a state of processing. And he said, it's like, I'm just switched off, like, I'm kind of really, really zoned out. And he says, My eyes look different, like, I'm just really, really zoned out, because I'm processing something. And so that happened, actually, in my appointment. It was about 10 minutes before my appointment. And something had changed that I wasn't expecting not to do with my point, mostly with something else, and suddenly changed. And so I was in a state of processing. So yeah, that that kind of changed how, you know, I was actually like, functioning quite well that day. And then I got really stressed. But I was actually a bit stressed anyway, about my appointment, because I get stressed with Nfn, where I'm going to be asked questions that I've got to respond to immediately. I don't like I'm fine with messages because I can take my time to process it and process what's being said and process the language. But if something is asked to me on the spot, and I've got to process it, yeah, that that I find that quite stressful. So I was worried about that, of having an appointment that would have to process questions and answer them. And that would be difficult. So, yeah, I have my appointment, but that the the person that did my diagnosis said that it was already very obvious from the questionnaire that I'd filled out and the information sheets that I filled out that, you know, that was really, really obvious. But the procedure is to see the person as well and have the appointment with the person. So I actually did still reject my diagnosis a little bit because I you know, I was kind of questioning like, well, I'm really stressed today, and I've had this going on. So you know, is it possible that my diagnosis might not be right and stuff, but yeah, that was noted in my notes. Anyway, when I got my infant, you know, my diagnosis? She I don't know, we call it you know, our papers.

Unknown Speaker 23:58

Yeah, so and it still took me quite a long time to just get it like that is my diagnosis. That is how it is. And to just kind of change that way that I've seen my life or my life to just change it. That's all it took. It was just like looking at the way that I think about things and experience things in a different way. It was literally just that switch that felt so hard to do. So it's not with judgment. It's not that I thought it was bad or anything like that. It's just literally having to experience that change of how I see things and see myself and how I see the world. So, yeah, that to what I learned for you going through a diagnosis process was that like you know that there's several things that the diagnosis goes on, so like people can experience sensory overload and not be autistic and people can expect perience social difficulties and socializing as being difficult, and not being autistic. So the diagnosis process has to do with a combination of several things, not just those things, but like several things. Which I will go into a bit in another video. So yeah, that leads on to the next one, at some point as soon as possible. So what I got from going through diagnosis, even though I'm not sure, yeah, if if you've gone through your diagnosis, like I would really like to know did did you find it hard to change that way of seeing things in yourself? Did you find accepting diagnosis difficult or easy? Yeah, everyone experiences things differently. So be really nice to people and know how, how did that feel to you? Or what? You know, what did you experience that I like? And then other people can read that as well. So so it's just, it's really nice to get lots of different people's perception of things. Like, that's really good. So, yeah, what I got from going through diagnosis was to be able to find some acceptance of things, from acceptance of how I experienced things, and switching from not feeling like I was wrong, in how I experience life and things, but there's just different, it's just a different way of experiencing things. So that made a huge difference to my self esteem. Massively. Yeah, because kids do pick up, you know, from other kids a lot of the time, but a lot of the time, it's from the other kids at school, really picking up this sense of like, Oh, well, I'm different. And I'm not like them. And so therefore, I must be wrong. And I can't see anyone else around me, that's like me, and there's no kind of group that I fit into at all. So like, you know, just sort of general feeling of just feeling wrong in life. Like, it's all that right. And that's been really worth so much like, massively. And I think if I could have seen that at the beginning, like, you know, that might be that, you know, if I could have processed that quicker than ordinary doesn't matter. Anyway, like, even if it has been a while, but it's, it's worth it in the end like for me. So. Yeah, so I took some online tests, if you look online, if you if you are like thinking that you might be looking into getting diagnosis yourself, there are tests online that you can take, that aren't a diagnosis as such, but it can, it can help and move towards themes. And some people self diagnose as well. Like, don't want to go through all the diagnosis process, because it might feel like a big deal. Or it might be difficult for some time. Sometimes I've heard that it can take a long time, that process can take a long time, like actually the appointments and everything. I think it depends who you see and where you go and stuff like what what country you're in and everything. So yeah, or for whatever reason, yeah, different people do things in different ways. So some people self diagnose. So they might use a tool like that to help them. I've heard things like said, like, you know, that it's not okay to self diagnose and stuff like that. But I think it's up to the individual of how they feel or don't, I don't think it's for people to judge really, it's like, if you experienced these things, and, you know, there's a lot add in replace, like I say, it's not just, Oh, I just have sensory difficulties, or I just have some difficulties with socialization. You know, if there's a lot of things added up there, then, you know, it's up to the person how they want to deal with that when they want to go through,

Unknown Speaker 28:59

you know, what's the diagnosis with professional for to be happy with just doing self diagnosis with add in all the things together? So up to their passion, really? So? Yeah, anyway, there are those tools online to help with processing the traits that you might be experiencing. I don't know if that's the right word traits, you know, like the thing the things that you experienced autistic Asperger's. And looking into masking, I'm definitely going to do a video about that really soon. So you could get information off there that might be helpful. And then choosing an approach or good person to see might be the next thing. Finding, you know, because there's different different professionals that can be seen, like there's different people to get referred to. I think so. Yeah. To start to look into, and then after diagnosis, the ability to find some self care. Some things that can help. Oh, I did do a video about that actually about five things. It was only five other things. There's lots of things that I do. That really helped me. And I'll do some more videos like that soon, but I did do another video about five things that helped me and that some way YouTube as well. So yeah, yeah. So if you if you're still here, and you've watched this video, and you find that useful, yeah, or just, in general anyway, unless you hate it, I like honesty. So if you hated it, I wouldn't want you to quit like on it. But if you you know, if you could put a like on the video, then it will help it to reach other people. And that feels important to get more autistic voices out there with each person's individual experiences in case that's helpful to other people out there. So, thanks for watching. And feel free to ask any questions if you want.

Unknown Speaker 31:03

Bye

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