The Future is Neurodiverse - Virtual HR Webinar (text continued)

Unknown Speaker 1:02:08

Awesome. Thank you. So Alex asks, What have you been asking for so long that you don't know where the mask ends? And your true self begins? What do you do then?

Unknown Speaker 1:02:18

Oh, gosh, you know, it's a gradual unwinding process. And I've heard a lot of autistic people say that they have that experience where, you know, they don't even know where they're masking anymore. And they're going through and rediscovering who they are. And they start to realize, Oh, you know, I walk home, and I come into that my house and I instantly, like, change, I move differently, I act differently. A lot of the things that, you know, I was masking, I didn't even know I was masking. But then it was like I started to realize like these things I would hide about myself were things that were like autistic things, and I didn't want to have that shame. And so it was like, Okay, what are the things I only do when I'm alone? What are the things I do you know, what, I'm only really comfortable, because I've found that when I masking, a lot of times, you know, one that can be a sign that I'm around people that aren't accepting of me, and maybe aren't the best people for me to be around. I mean, there's always professional situations where maybe I wouldn't go sit in a client meeting with a stim toy, you know, because they're not gonna understand that without the introduction. But it's just really learning and getting comfortable with yourself all over again, thinking about how you were as a child reflecting on your life growing up, some of the things you may have done, and some of the different coping skills and mechanisms maybe you had growing up as a child, or as a young person won't be applicable to you as an adult unmasking. So you know, you wouldn't want to bring that back. Because maybe you know, your grown up and adult autistic behavior and movement looks very different than it does as a child. So it's really just getting to know yourself and exploring yourself and you know, all over with people that you feel comfortable with first, or maybe even just alone first.

Unknown Speaker 1:04:17

That's an awesome answer. Thank you. Rachel is asking, thank you so much for sharing all of this information. I'm currently remotely supervising someone who identifies as neurodiverse. Do you have any suggestions for questions? I shouldn't. I should not ask when we have our weekly check ins to ensure they are comfortable with the workload and peace.

Unknown Speaker 1:04:35

Yeah, so we have a lot of meetings. So I've my company, we are remote workforce. And we actually have weekly meetings as a team where the team all gets on the same page and has the same expectations and then the supervisors will also have a weekly one on one with anyone who reports to them. And generally things that you know, I would ask people on my team neurodivergent are not because I A lot of these things are pretty universal would be. One, we're assuming that going into this meeting, deadlines and expectations for any project this person's working on have already been set. And so they know what their goals are that they're working towards. And so if the everyone knows what goals we're working towards, you should be able to have check ins in this weekly meeting to talk about how are we tracking towards these goals? And my favorite question that I asked and that my leaders have asked me in the past is, you know, is there? How are we doing towards our goal this week? Do you feel like you're on track with your goal this week? And if not, are, what are the obstacles that you see in your, in your in front of you? Or are there any obstacles, I can help remove from you so that you can get this done. And so that way, you're letting them ask to be empowered. And then also always making sure you're in your organization, it's really important to have that culture where people can come forward and speak up, if they're struggling with something, if maybe, you know, say they have mental health issues, and they're feeling anxious about something, or maybe they've lost a loved one at home, and they're not at their best. People need to be able to speak up and come to their leaders and even in front of their entire team, if possible, and feel like it is a judgment free safe zone to say, Hey, I'm struggling with something, then there's no problem with that, because we're all struggling with different things. And these meetings with your people you're managing should be in order to help the people on your team be successful. So it's all about empowering that team member, what do they need? What obstacles Can you remove? How can you help them be successful? Awesome. I'm

Unknown Speaker 1:06:58

answering the chat is asking. Krista. Thank you, what were the accommodations you asked for that your employer thought were wants? If you are comfortable sharing?

Unknown Speaker 1:07:06

Yeah. So and a lot of this probably comes down to me being newly diagnosed and not knowing the best way to advocate for my needs. I want to make sure I say that, because I have a lot of love for this employer. And we're on good terms still. But, you know, I asked if I could sit in a quiet corner with natural lighting or sit by the window. And in this office, you know that it was a little bit of a hierarchical system where those seats were kind of reserved for people who were leaders in the company. And it was like, where they put the corner desks and they would have had to rearrange the entire office and you know, it would it would overlays? Like do you really need that? You know? You know, unfortunately, I did. And that's why I work from home now.

Unknown Speaker 1:07:54

You? Um, nobody is asking how can coworkers apart from leadership be more supportive?

Unknown Speaker 1:08:02

Yeah, I think the number one thing that would is great, and that I appreciate when I'm working with my peers in the workplace, is when people one, give me the benefit of the doubt when there's a miscommunication, or there's any kind of thing that could be maybe some kind of communication thing. Because with autistic people, a lot of us have different communication styles. I know a bit now, because I've been in workspaces for a long time, how to soften my language and come at things from a less direct and blunt way. But my natural communication style is very blunt and very direct. And if I'm tired, it'll probably come out. And it won't be as warm and fuzzy, really fuzzy and bubbly. Or I might not pick up on some of the things because I can focus and pick up on these social cues but it's very, like, you know, like I'm watching I'm studying like ants under a magnifying glass. So, you know, if I miss something or if someone misses something, or you think they might have misunderstood something or you think someone said something rude to you give that person the benefit of the doubt and just ask them I don't think this is how you meant to say this, this sounded like you You know, or just check in with that person. It's really important to realize I've had so many misunderstandings with people that there was a time in my life where I just didn't even want to deal with other people because I just felt like people were too complicated. Don't close people off and like say Oh, these are the weirdos you know, these aren't these are the unacceptable people in the company like include everyone and welcome them in. Because people sometimes get othered when they're a little bit different and I've been in that other dip box a lot too and that really hurts.

Unknown Speaker 1:09:55

Amazing. Thank you. yasmeen is asking how do you deal with people, especially family dismissing one's autistic diagnosis.

Unknown Speaker 1:10:06

Well, there are certain people in my family including one person who was interviewed by the person who diagnosed me and is because they watched me grow up and had the information. And part of the reason I got diagnosed, and I won't name this family member, but for example, you know what I try to talk to them, they say, oh, there's no such thing as late onset autism, you're not really autistic. It's like, No, that's not what this is. It's late diagnosis, but this family member is in their 80s. And they're not going to accept it right now. So they're probably autistic, too. I'm just gonna say this, I didn't name their name. But you know, to them, it's like, well, isn't everybody a little bit because they experienced so many of the same things to this person is actually, I said, most people don't have my sensory profile, this family member has my sensory profile. So they are so much like me that when I tell them about my experience, it sounds very normal to them. And they can't accept that there's anything different because they have to alter their own perception with a lot of people. And generally science is starting to understand and accept that autism is mostly thought of as a genetic thing. And so with families, sometimes people can't accept it, because so much of what they're saying you're saying is autism they see in themselves, or they're just closed off to new information, and they have cognitive dissonance. And there may be people in your family or in your life right now that aren't ready to hear the information or hear new information about you, because they see you one way into them. Even though you've always been the same person, you'll still always be the same person, this new information is just too much for them to handle right now. And they might come around eventually. And it may just be this is someone in your life. Unfortunately, you can't talk about this with using the terms autism, but you might be able to talk with them about, oh, I have this experience. Can you relate? You know, and it's kind of funny that we have to dance around it. But you know, that family member? I don't I don't talk about it with them. I don't even wear my autistic pride t shirts in front of them, because I just it's not worth it. Sometimes, unfortunately.

Unknown Speaker 1:12:15

Thank you for that. also asked as a follow up question, do you recommend declaring that you're in or divergent and being specific as to what it is you have to your employer and co workers.

Unknown Speaker 1:12:28

That is going to depend very heavily on the employer and a few other factors. But in my personal experience, it has been better for me because I need accommodations in order to be successful and be my best. And so having that disclosure allows me to ask for those workplaces. But those workplace needs. But it really can depend on the employer. Like some employers might just say, Oh, I don't want to deal with this. And it's discrimination. It's illegal. But they may, you know, pass you over if you disclose it too early in the interview process. Whereas my current employer, I'm so grateful for, well, they knew I was autistic, because we we sit on the we were sitting on a board for an autism charity together. And so that was good. I was already out before I started the interview process. But when it was like, I'm autistic, and I need these accommodations, it wasn't, well, we've never done it that way before. That's not how we do things here. It wasn't we don't know how it was, Okay, tell me how this works. And so they empowered me in order to let me be accommodated. And that was great to go through that from the very beginning and expectations were set. Whereas when I had a previous employer where I didn't disclose because I didn't know I was autistic, and then found out I was autistic and found out I needed accommodations and was trying to ask for them after the fact it actually didn't go very well because they were like, Well, you've never needed this before. And so it's kind of if there's not a one right or wrong answer. But for me, especially because I need accommodations. It's kind of a necessity.

Unknown Speaker 1:14:14

Amazing. Thank you, Acacia I'm so sorry if I pronounced any of these names wrong, by the way. I Kesha is asking how would you suggest initiating the conversation of how to champion looking at hiring practices to include neurodiverse people and have a very large corporate company, especially to the C level executives. Thank you.

Unknown Speaker 1:14:35

That's really hard. It's hard sometimes. And that's like the biggest struggle. And I've found when I'm talking in organizations, the ones that are willing to make change tend to have someone that is on leadership, who is got a personal connection. They have to want to champion this you can't make someone want to do it because of oh this is the right thing to do is the good thing to do. They have To care, sometimes it's you know, someone in my family is autistic, sometimes, oh, maybe I'm actually autistic, we've got more leaders are starting to come out and be openly autistic. But you know, if when we talk about some of those people that will only do it for the bottom line, it's talking about how you know, we already know that diversity is a good thing. And organizations that have more diversity, are more successful and are more creative and are having more ideas and are more agile and are more you are more efficient and are better organizations. But a lot of these diversity initiatives don't take into account neuro diversity, which is literally different frame and thinking styles. And it is, you know, sometimes I've found that talking about this untapped talent pool is helpful. And then the other thing is talking about the cost of a bad hire, because you know, we've got enough of a percentage of the population that are autistic right now it is a large percent. And it's probably more than we know. And I think that number is going to keep growing as we gain more awareness and understanding of autism. But it's, it's still changing and growing. And so you know, that's that talent pool, and then not having the turnover, because each turnover employees so expensive, and you've got autistic or neurodivergent employees on your team, if you've got a team of 50 or 60 or more, there's autistic people in your team now, just because statistically, it's one in 59 in America. So you know, how many people are on your team already? And are you serving that population, because a lot of these things is little changes that can be made to your hiring process to your hiring initiative, to accommodating people in the workplace. benefit everyone, not just the autistic and neurodivergent employees, you know, we're not talking about creating a separate hiring funnel for autistic people, you should try to the goal should be to have your organizational ecosystem set up to where people don't need to request accommodation in order to get through your hiring process. Or in order to work in your workspace. It's just set up so that everyone can show up and be successful.

Unknown Speaker 1:17:20

Amazing. Thank you so much. Yeah, no, is asking, based on what you've learned on your journey so far? What would you share with a 12 year old if you were able to?

Unknown Speaker 1:17:31

Yeah, I would say, you know, to give out to my younger self and young people out there, you are capable of so much more than you realize you are capable of. A lot of times we have this little voice in our head that tells us we're not good enough, or we're can't do it. Or, you know, what if I fail, what if I fail? And there was one point in my life, and I think it's a pivotal moment when I realized, you know, sometimes things are scary. And instead of focusing on what if I fail, I needed to focus on what if I get it right? And block out a little bit of the scary and the failure. And I say, you know, sometimes you have to just jump just go for it, especially if it's something you really want. Don't let fear hold you back. Because for a lot of years in my life, because I still have anxiety, I was letting that stop me. And unfortunately, a lot of autistic people have anxiety, or they just don't know how awesome they really are. You know, I wish more people knew you guys are so awesome.

Unknown Speaker 1:18:43

Fantastic. We have four questions left. Do we have time to get through all of them?

Unknown Speaker 1:18:50

I can stick around. I'm happy to stick around.

Unknown Speaker 1:18:53

They're all just so wonderful. It's been hard to kind of choose I'm just kind of going through them. Right. I'm an anonymous attendee is asking I may have missed this. I was I joined late, but as an adult who suspects that they may be on the spectrum, how does one go about receiving a diagnosis and moving forward from there? Have no idea who to talk to or what help to seek in this journey?

Unknown Speaker 1:19:16

Yeah, so when I was diagnosed, it started with visits to my GP because I was burnt out and I was having some neurological and other physical sickness symptoms. And eventually, they were referring me to have someone to talk to about my mental health and anxiety. And it started to give me in the right sphere there. And so I had actually stumbled across a book by autistic author with reading some other psychology stuff. And the perspective was so similar to my own it was just like, Wow, that's really weird. Like, doesn't everybody think like that? I just thought that was normal. And then I realized this is a very artistic way of thinking and it was a total shock. So I asked at that point when I got the referral to see someone for Mental Health if I could see someone who specifically knew about autism, and someone who diagnosed adult because I didn't mention the presentation, we have a lot of professionals who still only work with a diagnosed children. And so my doctor gave me the card for our local autism society's chapter. And so they had a list of local providers that they gave me and I asked typically, for them to help me narrow down that list to find someone who has the experience with late diagnosis and adults. And because my GP thought that anxiety was one of my main issues, I also found someone who specialized in anxiety as well. And so going through that process, I I have a lot of notes, every time I do anything, there's a lot of notes for the presentation. There's a lot of notes when I do these things in public, there's a lot of notes in my calendar, every time I need to do a task, I have a note. And so when I went into my appointment, I took you know, five pages of type notes of just things I remembered, that supported me potentially being autistic about my life, because they need to verify that you've always been like this Your whole life because it is a lifelong neurodevelopmental condition. You were born this way we die this way. And so they are looking through the history, I was very lucky that I had my grandpa loved cameras, baby videos. And so I brought my baby footage so they could see baby autistic, Krista being autistic growing up. And so there's no doubt there. And then, you know, the interview with a psychologist where I talked to them for a few hours, and then I went home. And they called people from my childhood and interviewed them. Just asking lots of details digging through my life for the fine tooth comb. And then, you know, week later, I went back or a couple weeks later, I went back and she had reviewed everything and just went through all the information and I got the diagnosis and found out Yes, I'm autistic. You know, I've always been this way. And, you know, she framed it in a way that you know, there is nothing wrong with you. And I'm so grateful that the recommendation was books and resources that were written by autistic people for autistic people that I didn't get sucked down the pathology gloom and doom route of Google. Because when you're first diagnosed, there is this split, you can go to the dark side, or you can go into the light, you know, you can go into I hate myself because I'm autistic, and this is ruin my life or Okay, I want to stick. No, what does that mean? Let's approach this with curiosity, and accept this fact, instead of spending all my time being mad about the fact that I want to be sick. And I'm going to admit, you know, when I was first diagnosed, I went through a full range of emotions, and probably all of the stages of grief, from anger, to all of it mourning and just feeling like I had missed out on knowing something very important about myself for a lot of years. But going through the process, and really accepting the information was really essential to me getting my life back on track. Awesome, and the essence just wondering what the book was called. Oh gosh, the one that my psychologist recommend, I believe it was women or woman from another planet had to be women from another planet. And it was a collection of autistic women's stories from different walks of life. And it was just a bunch of different stories from other autistic people. And it's like, oh my gosh, I've come home. Thank you.

Unknown Speaker 1:23:51

Here is asking. Hi, Krista. First off, I love the new headset much easier to understand you money. How would you suggest that a person approach a change in management when the original management was very open and accommodating to autistic needs but the new management isn't, especially if there isn't an official diagnosis on record, ie the employees in the process of attempting to be diagnosed.

Unknown Speaker 1:24:16

That's gonna be really hard, especially if your manager is not supportive. hate that I've left organizations before I was diagnosed before I knew I was autistic. But looking hindsight, definitely autism related left employers because they've had management changes actually one of my favorite jobs that I was at for five years before the job I told the story about is one that I left because they had a leadership change and the new person in leadership because there wasn't anyone above them you could go to to get help or anything. This is like the buck stops here person was just someone that wasn't willing to be the right kind of leader that I needed to stay in that organization. And it depends on how high up in the chain this person is, you know, is there someone above them that maybe can help. Without that diagnosis, it's gonna be really hard. With a good leader, you know, you wouldn't even need the diagnosis, you would just be like, Hey, I had this need, I'm having this difficulty I need, I need help depending on what the request might be. Whereas some leaders, they're just like, they don't want to help anybody. And, you know, if they're determined to not help you or accommodate you, or empower you to be successful in your workplace, without a piece of paper to say you need help, because they don't believe you that you need help, or that something's difficult for you shows some other potential problems within a workspace, maybe as well with leadership. And I don't know if you can fix that leadership problem. And that makes my heart heavy for you a little bit, you know, unless there's another leader you can go to. But that diagnosis, and that paper might help once you get it. And that's why I say, you know, we shouldn't be saying, Oh, you need this paper, because it's hard to get the diagnosis. And if you don't have health insurance, it's very expensive to the diagnosis, or depending on what part of the world you live in, it might be impossible for people to get that diagnosis.

Unknown Speaker 1:26:23

Thank you. Lisa is asking, thank you. Thank you for this, you have helped me and all of us tremendously, tremendously. To inspire hope toward my professional future. My question connects to behavior on the professional level, how should I respond on a professional in a professional way when employers, mentors, teachers, peers, and so forth, expressed to me that I am, quote, unquote, normal, quote, unquote, too much, I'm often told that I am too optimistic and talkative, to extra and not able to fit in. My goal is to be a supportive team member who can help cultivate a productive and kind environment, how can I earn respect from folks and not get fired, so I can contribute in the best way I can, as a team. Thank you so much. And this is a fragile topic to me personally,

Unknown Speaker 1:27:10

oh, my heart hurts because I relate so much on so many levels. Oh, and, you know, when I first entered the workplace, too, it was a lot more difficult for me to maybe know when sometimes you do, you need to hold your tongue. And, you know, learning when something is necessary to add or when it's not, or when the appropriate time to talk and, you know, be extra extra, as people say is okay, but you know, I'm a million mile an hour person. And sometimes, you know, my professional hat at work, when I especially when I didn't work remotely, involves me holding back who I was so much, because, you know, I get that, oh, you're just too much, or you never shut up where you don't stop, excuse my language. But you know, it's like, people don't get it. And some of those people, you know, aren't necessarily my people in the workplace. And I hate that, because there have been organizations where, you know, they let someone go, and it's like, they weren't a culture fit. And, you know, it's not the person's fault. It's the organization's fault that they aren't willing to bend a little bit and be open to someone who is a little bit differently. You know, I don't want you to hold that who you are, there may be, you know, the organization you're in, maybe there's someone else in your organization you can hang out with or someone who will appreciate you for who you are. There's a Rene brown quotes and love and I'll misquote it. So, uh, you know, I can't get I don't have it in front of me. But it talks about how you know, blending in is basically just soul crushing and trying to, destroys you versus, you know, being accepted and being yourself. It's hard, you know, I don't have a simple answer, but, you know, be yourself. You're, you're amazing. And, you know, it's okay, if you're too much for some people. Those people are probably not your people. But maybe you know, sometimes at work, you know, I there are times when you might have to just kind of be quiet and listen a little bit more. And over the years learning to kind of be quiet and listen, has helped me a little bit with that. But yeah, find it. Find your people who love you. And don't think you're too much. Okay.

Unknown Speaker 1:29:49

Simon is asking what are your quick top three self care tips?

Unknown Speaker 1:29:54

Yes, ah, for me. Someone is really dependent on that visual schedule. I have started to block off and even schedule, break time. and everything like that like I had today, because I knew I was going to do this presentation and I wanted to be fresh for every one of you here and I wanted to come and be my best self, I've made sure to block off at least a few 15 minute chunks of the day to like stop and rest and breathe and recenter myself, on the weekends, I have a rule where because I spend nine to 12 hours a day Monday through Friday on my laptop, at the end of the workday, the laptop closes and is put away and it doesn't come back up for the entire weekend. It's really dedicating that downtime. And as autistic person, my brain, you know, I'm all over the place, I'm a million miles now or I'm too much for some people. It's never stopped, it always goes goes goes. So making sure I take a point to do activities to help me slow down and combat that a little bit. You know, everyone likes something different. But you know that maybe that's going for a walk in nature or going swimming or going for a run doing something physical or some physical exercise or some yoga. You know, it is. You know, it's just really taking that time to do things that recharge my brain and make me feel good. And make me better.

Unknown Speaker 1:31:38

You have new

Unknown Speaker 1:31:41

Oh, whoops, sorry. wondering, finally, as our last question, do you drive and if so what was like getting your license and training?

Unknown Speaker 1:31:51

I drive and I'm not gonna say I drive Well, I drive. Okay. In the small country roads and places I am familiar locally. But I struggled greatly driving in traffic, congested busy areas, and especially in the nearest large cities. Getting my license was really interesting. When I was getting my license, it's been a lot of years, they were allowed to actually waive the driving portion of the test if you got a high enough score on the written portion of the test. And I am an excellent test taker because you know, elimination and all that, Oh, I got a near perfect score or a perfect score a really good score on that test did I didn't have to take the physical driving test and drive with an instructor, which probably ensured I got my license, I'm not sure at that point, I would have successfully been able to get my license if the rules have been different. When I was getting my license. I've learned to drive through many years of practice, I have had quite a few car accidents. Fortunately, not one in a very long time. I think I've got it now. But I also now have much more respectful of my limits. And then knowing, you know, like maybe today I'm too overwhelmed. I can't handle driving right now or something. And knowing I can't drive in this location, or I can't drive here, I can't drive after dark. So I know my needs now and knowing I'm autistic, I'm a lot more willing to speak up for them.

Unknown Speaker 1:33:31

Thank you for that. And yeah, all of you. Other attendees probably amazing questions. I hope you all learned a lot and enjoyed this events. I've just pasted a feedback form in the chats, which would really like I'd really appreciate you filling it out. So we can make events like this better. This is always a little awkward to us. But as we are a nonprofit organization, we do really appreciate donations as well. All proceeds from this event will support us in bettering employment outcomes for neurodivergent youth. So directly being funneled into our programming. We are a volunteer led organization, so none of us do get paid. So all contributions go directly to supporting our youth. If you would like to kindly make a contribution, you can do an APR website, and I'll send that link in the chat as well. And if you want to stay in the loop, please follow us on social media at Bible careers or subscribe to our newsletter, which can also be found on our website. Thank you so much. As always, if you have any questions, you can feel free to email me as well. If Chris is comfortable, I'll connect with her and maybe if you have questions, she'd be comfortable sharing her email with you as well. And yes,

Unknown Speaker 1:34:39

yes. So if you want to make it easier, you can email me it's info inf o at go to a G calm that's gotoh.com

Unknown Speaker 1:34:56

Thanks so much everyone. Have a great day, everyone. Thanks for sticking around. My pleasure.

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